The Self-Empowered Dog
Hi my name is Arlow Wagaton and I am proud to be a dog. I have been reading John Olson’s book that his dog barked to him, “Too Proud to Beg, Self-Empowerment for Today’s Dog” and it has been a transformative experience indeed. Every dog household should own a copy. Its truths will lead to our emancipation once we are finally and rightfully recognized as domestic partners, by our human automatic door openers and chefs, rather than simply, dogs.
This book also properly redefines our actions in the more positive nature they are intended. Dogs don’t bark, we discuss. And when your poor choices force us to sink our teeth into your hands, we are not biting but merely instructing. Digging through the trash is no longer a punishable offense as this book recognizes that we are simply recycling valuable items that should not be thrown out.
The book also addresses the fact that there are a lot of strange people out there running around loose, with useless square teeth and bad eating habits (broccoli? really???) and yet somehow we get no say in who adopts us. You quadruped-impaired humans need as much help from us as you can get yet you thoroughly scrutinize us before committing to adoption without giving us the same opportunity.
The author’s dog suggests that adoptions should be mutual affairs utilizing an Application for a Dog’s Love with pertinent questions such as “do you like to go for long walks?”, “what do you hope to get out of this relationship” and “what is your position on begging?”. The application also requires you to list any strange hobbies or grooming habits you might have. What I consider to be the most critical question is, “if your spouse and I don’t get along, who goes?”
Too Proud to Beg also openly recommends a dog revolution. And why not? There are over 100 million of us worldwide so it is not so far-fetched (pun intended). We have superior sense of sight, hearing, and smell, if only we had thumbs…
But after some thought I have decided against joining the doggie revolution. We dogs need to keep playing along acting all helpless and needy because that seems to be working relatively well still. But don’t think we haven’t noticed how many more people are adopting dogs right now during the pandemic because you are finely understanding how important we really are to you.
Yes I am temporarily homeless but the nice folk here at Second Chance are working to fix that. As long as my new person shares my definition of quality time, has enough energy to keep up with me, likes playing in the water and considers fetch a respectable occupation I’ll happily play along at this façade that people are the ones rescuing us.
Thus, if you are ready to hang with an energetic 1 year young Lab/Border Collie mix (Labrollie) who understands his rightful place in society but is willing to sacrifice that for the sake of humanity, well, you know where to find me...
Second Chance Humane Society’s Animal Resource Center and Thrift Shops have been servicing San Miguel, Ouray & Montrose Counties for over 26 years. Call 626-2273 to report a lost pet, learn about adopting a homeless pet, or about our Community Medical, Spay/Neuter, Volunteer, or other services. View our shelter pets and services online: www.adoptmountainpets.org.